Family.Guy.S01E01.Death.Has.a.Shadow.INTERNAL.DVDRip.XviD-SChiZO.eng.srt

1
00:00:06,973 --> 00:00:09,942
Mom, Dad, I found cigarettes
in Greg's jacket.

2
00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:12,273
- Greg, were you smoking cigarettes?
- No, Dad.

3
00:00:12,379 --> 00:00:14,279
He's lying. There's no doubt about that.

4
00:00:14,381 --> 00:00:17,748
Greg, I'm afraid your punishment
will be four hours in the snakepit.

5
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:20,081
That'll give you time to think about
what you did.

6
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:21,380
Man!

7
00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:23,055
That'll teach him.

8
00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:25,886
Jan, I'm afraid you've earned
a day in the fire chamber...

9
00:00:25,992 --> 00:00:27,653
...for tattling on your brother.

10
00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:32,360
Smoking. How does
a boy like that go so wrong?

11
00:00:32,465 --> 00:00:34,626
- They live in a crummy neighborhood.
- The Bradys?

12
00:00:34,734 --> 00:00:37,965
Yeah. They got robbers, thugs,
drug dealers. You name it.

13
00:00:38,071 --> 00:00:39,538
You folks want some pancakes?

14
00:00:39,639 --> 00:00:43,075
No, thanks. See, that's the worst
we got is Jemima's Witnesses.

15
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:46,802
"It seems today that all you see

16
00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:50,378
"is violence in movies and sex on TV

17
00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:53,884
"But where are those good,
old-fashioned values

18
00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:56,547
"on which we used to rely?

19
00:00:57,323 --> 00:01:00,292
"Lucky there's a family guy

20
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:03,521
"Lucky there's a man who'll
positively tell you

21
00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:05,359
"all the things that make us

22
00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:06,955
"laugh 'n' cry

23
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:11,731
"He's a family guy"

24
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:20,641
Mom, my lips are too thin.
Can I please get collagen injections?

25
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:23,215
Meg, you don't need to change
the way you look.

26
00:01:23,316 --> 00:01:26,717
You know, most of the world's problems
stem from poor self-image.

27
00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:39,221
Excellent! The mind-control device
is nearing completion!

28
00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:41,630
Stewie, I said no toys at the table.

29
00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:42,928
Damn you, vile woman!

30
00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:46,403
You've impeded my work since the day
I escaped from your wretched womb.

31
00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:49,566
Don't pout, honey. When you were born...

32
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:53,237
...the doctor said you were
the happiest looking baby he'd ever seen.

33
00:01:53,346 --> 00:01:57,442
But, of course. That was my victory day.
The fruition of my deeply-laid plans...

34
00:01:57,550 --> 00:02:01,748
...to escape from that cursed ovarian
bastille! Return the device, woman!

35
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:03,379
No toys, Stewie.

36
00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:04,457
Very well, then.

37
00:02:04,557 --> 00:02:08,493
Mark my words, when you least expect it,
your uppance will come!

38
00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:11,928
Mom, can I turn the heat up?

39
00:02:12,031 --> 00:02:15,091
Don't touch the thermostat, Meg.
Your father gets upset.

40
00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:17,192
Come on. This thing goes up to 90.

41
00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:18,235
Who touched the thermostat?

42
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:19,896
God, how does he always know?

43
00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:22,201
Brain implant, Meg. Every father's got one.

44
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:24,208
Tells you when the kids mess with the dial.

45
00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:26,278
My thing went off!
Your thermostat okay?

46
00:02:26,379 --> 00:02:28,279
- Yeah, it's all right.
- Is my kid over here?

47
00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:29,439
Forget it! False alarm!

48
00:02:30,116 --> 00:02:31,777
Ass ahoy.

49
00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:35,377
Peter, it's 7:00 and you've still got
your pants on. What's the occasion?

50
00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:37,046
He's going to a stag party.

51
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,819
Lois, I work hard all week
to provide for this family.

52
00:02:39,926 --> 00:02:41,154
I am the man of the house.

53
00:02:41,261 --> 00:02:44,458
As the man, I order you
to give me permission to go to this party.

54
00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:48,193
Look, at least promise me you won't drink.
Alcohol always leads to trouble.

55
00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:50,330
Come on. You're worrying about nothing.

56
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:54,166
Remember when you got drunk
off the Communion wine at church?

57
00:02:54,607 --> 00:02:57,576
And so the Lord God smote poor Job...

58
00:02:57,710 --> 00:03:00,042
...with festering boils all over his body.

59
00:03:00,146 --> 00:03:02,307
Man, I hate it when he tells this story.

60
00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:06,612
Yet, miraculously,
Job was still able to retain his dignity.

61
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:10,052
- Is that really the blood of Christ?
- Yes.

62
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:13,282
Man, that guy must've been wasted
24 hours a day.

63
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,656
And then there was that time
at the ice cream store.

64
00:03:17,096 --> 00:03:19,394
Butter Rum's my favorite.

65
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:24,732
Remember you had an Irish coffee
the day we went to see Philadelphia?

66
00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:34,104
I got it. That's the guy from Big.
Tom Hanks, that's it.

67
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:37,282
Funny guy, Tom Hanks.
Everything he says is a stitch.

68
00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:38,645
I have AIDS.

69
00:03:40,486 --> 00:03:42,784
- Promise me, Peter.
- Lois, honey, I promise.

70
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,722
Not a drop of alcohol is gonna touch
these lips tonight.

71
00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:47,725
Who wants to play Drink The Beer?

72
00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:49,226
Right here.

73
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:50,921
- You win.
- All right. What do I win?

74
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:52,088
Another beer!

75
00:03:52,198 --> 00:03:53,756
I'm going for the high score!

76
00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:56,096
Actually, Charlie's got the high score.

77
00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:58,067
Man. Your clock won't flush.

78
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:02,164
I feel kind of bad, guys.
I promised my wife I wouldn't drink.

79
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:05,176
- Don't feel bad, Peter.
- Gee. I never thought of it like that.

80
00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:06,639
Did you bring the porno?

81
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:10,375
Did I bring the porno?
You're gonna love it. It's a classic.

82
00:04:11,017 --> 00:04:12,917
Listen, Ilsa. If I take this thing out...

83
00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:16,011
...and you're not on it, you'll regret it.
Not today or tomorrow.

84
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:18,090
But soon, and for the rest of your life.

85
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:19,852
Come on, llsa! Get on it!

86
00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:25,324
The statue was a gift from France.

87
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:26,591
What is this?

88
00:04:26,699 --> 00:04:29,497
Man. My kid must've taped
over this for history class.

89
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,295
The Statue of Liberty?
What are we gonna do?

90
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:37,740
- Boys, we're gonna drink till she's hot.
- That's just crazy enough to work.

91
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:45,076
Meg, finish your pancakes.

92
00:04:45,184 --> 00:04:47,914
- Chris, elbows off your father.
- Thanks, son.

93
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:51,787
37 beers. You're setting
a great example for the kids, Peter.

94
00:04:51,891 --> 00:04:55,019
Yeah. A new family record.
Way to raise the bar, Dad.

95
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,119
Chris, you're 13. Don't talk like that.

96
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,790
Kids, Daddy only drank
so the Statue of Liberty...

97
00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:01,298
...would take her clothes off.

98
00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:04,893
- What did you promise me last night?
- I wouldn't drink at the stag party.

99
00:05:05,004 --> 00:05:07,871
- And what did you do?
- Drank at the stag...

100
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:11,034
I almost walked right into that one. God!

101
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:14,204
Feels like accountants
are cranking adding machines in my head.

102
00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:21,552
Dick, you ever wonder
what's outside those walls?

103
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:24,623
That's dangerous thinking, Paul.
You best stick to your work.

104
00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:25,691
Okay.

105
00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:30,487
You see? A hangover is nature's way
of telling you I was right. I mean...

106
00:05:30,596 --> 00:05:32,461
Mom, are you all right?

107
00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:36,262
My goodness.
This chair leg was loose. Isn't that silly?

108
00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:38,360
I could've broken my neck.

109
00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:39,596
Damn!

110
00:05:41,207 --> 00:05:43,641
Honey. I took a cab home,
I slept on the table...

111
00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:46,041
...so I wouldn't wake you up.
Nothing bad happened.

112
00:05:46,145 --> 00:05:47,976
I guess you're right.

113
00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:50,743
Apology accepted.
All right, I'm going to work.

114
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,613
Somebody's gotta put food on this table.

115
00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:57,620
How are you coming, Johnson?

116
00:05:57,724 --> 00:06:00,056
Mr. Weed, I've been working
on the new G.I. Jew line.

117
00:06:00,159 --> 00:06:02,320
And as you can see, they look great.

118
00:06:02,428 --> 00:06:03,452
You call these bagels?

119
00:06:03,563 --> 00:06:05,861
I'm glad he's on our side!

120
00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:09,359
Peter!
What?

121
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:10,663
Are you sleeping on the job?

122
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:13,933
No. There's a bug in my eye
and I'm trying to suffocate him.

123
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:17,874
Peter, I like you. But I need you to be
more than just eye candy around here.

124
00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:21,105
It's your job to watch for toys
that could be hazardous to kids.

125
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,444
- Now, look sharp!
- Yes, sir!

126
00:06:35,294 --> 00:06:39,958
And now back to Action News 5.
Our top story tonight, "When Toys Attack. "

127
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,693
Quite a situation we've got here, Tom.

128
00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:44,167
Quite a situation we've got here, Tom,
indeed, Diane.

129
00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:47,171
The Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Company
of Quahog, Rhode Island...

130
00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:50,333
...has released highly unsafe
products into the retail market.

131
00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:52,803
Come on, Timmy! Throw the Silly Ball!

132
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,705
Boy! A Pound Poochie!

133
00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:00,408
Come on, Baby Heimlich, spit it out.

134
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,181
Peter, I'm appalled.

135
00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:07,123
Your negligence has damaged
this company's reputation.

136
00:07:07,226 --> 00:07:08,215
You're fired!

137
00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:09,521
Jeez. For how long?

138
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,588
My God! You got fired?

139
00:07:13,699 --> 00:07:17,328
- Way to go, Dad! Fight the machine!
- How do you know about the machine?

140
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:20,167
Don't worry.
I'll still put food on this table.

141
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,833
Just not as much.
So it might get a little competitive.

142
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:27,470
Who cares about food? Now we'll never
be able to afford my lip injections!

143
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:29,979
Can we put her
out in the yard for a while?

144
00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:32,073
Okay, who's hungry?

145
00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:34,884
Jeez. How the hell
am I gonna break this to Lois?

146
00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:38,514
If she finds out I got fired for drinking,
she's gonna blame me!

147
00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:42,082
Lie to her. It's okay to lie
to women. They're not people like us.

148
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:44,686
I don't know. Hey, where's the other guy?

149
00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:48,560
Come on, you bastard! I'm late for work.

150
00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:49,794
This is perfect!

151
00:07:50,369 --> 00:07:52,599
Look, I don't want your mom to worry,
all right?

152
00:07:52,705 --> 00:07:55,105
When she worries, she says,
"I told you so" and:

153
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:59,110
"Stop doing that. I'm asleep. "
So I'm just gonna tell a little lie, okay?

154
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,544
Not a word to your mom
about me getting canned.

155
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:03,046
What's that, Peter?

156
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:06,141
- Nothing. The lost-my-job smells great.
- What?

157
00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:09,244
Meg, honey, can you pass
the fired-my-ass-for-negligence?

158
00:08:09,355 --> 00:08:11,016
Peter, are you feeling okay?

159
00:08:11,123 --> 00:08:13,785
I feel great!
I haven't got a job in the world.

160
00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:15,520
All right, then let's eat.

161
00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:18,324
I know you all hate eggplant, but...

162
00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:21,330
What on earth was that?

163
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:26,499
What the deuce are you staring at?
It's tuna fish...

164
00:08:26,906 --> 00:08:27,998
...and nothing else.

165
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:33,878
How's your job search going?

166
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:37,245
It sucks, Brian. I've already
been through two jobs this week.

167
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,874
I got fired off of that commercial.

168
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:41,647
Try it again.
"I'm caca for Cocoa Puffs. "

169
00:08:41,754 --> 00:08:43,483
No, damn it! Take 26!

170
00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:47,357
Then I had that job as the sneeze guard
for that restaurant's salad bar.

171
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:51,189
Take it outside, lady.

172
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,624
I thought I could win money
in that talent show.

173
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,436
And the prize goes
to The von Trapp Family Singers!

174
00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:58,829
That is bull...

175
00:09:01,307 --> 00:09:03,172
Peter, I know it's a dangerous precedent...

176
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:05,506
...but you might want to tell Lois the truth.

177
00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:08,739
What? That I can't provide for my family?
That she's always right?

178
00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:11,282
That I didn't stand up to a tank
in Tiananmen Square?

179
00:09:15,855 --> 00:09:18,756
Screw this!
I just came over to buy some fireworks!

180
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,590
You can't keep lying to her
about losing your job.

181
00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:24,322
Eventually, she'll find out
where you're going every day.

182
00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:25,362
Yeah.

183
00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:31,161
Yeah, you're right.
Okay, I'll tell her tonight.

184
00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:49,444
Victory is mine!

185
00:09:49,855 --> 00:09:51,789
I'll need the checkbook
in the morning.

186
00:09:51,891 --> 00:09:53,916
I'm going to Stop 'N Shop
for some sweet corn.

187
00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:55,687
You're spending money on food again?

188
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:57,422
Lois, we just had dinner.

189
00:09:57,530 --> 00:10:01,660
I enjoyed it so much,
I thought we'd eat again tomorrow.

190
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:04,361
Since when are you so concerned
about our food budget?

191
00:10:04,470 --> 00:10:05,664
I just...

192
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:08,934
Lois, this is really hard for me to say, but...

193
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:10,838
What is it, Peter?

194
00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:14,105
- You're getting kind of fat.
- What?

195
00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:16,477
It's just... It's not healthy.

196
00:10:16,582 --> 00:10:19,881
Peter, I do my Jane Fonda workout tape
three times a week.

197
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:21,851
When was the last time you saw your toes?

198
00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:24,445
I thought you people were
supposed to be jolly.

199
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,855
Peter, what the hell is the matter with you?

200
00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:30,053
Honey, if there's something wrong,
you can tell me.

201
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:34,064
- Sorry, man. Am I late? What did I miss?
- Thank God you're here. What do I do?

202
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:36,396
Tell him to keep quiet. He's in too deep.

203
00:10:36,502 --> 00:10:38,094
I don't know.

204
00:10:38,437 --> 00:10:39,563
Where's the other guy?

205
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:42,397
This is unbelievable!

206
00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:46,707
I promise you, everything's fine.
You got nothing to worry about.

207
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:49,975
Well, well, Mother!
We meet again!

208
00:10:50,082 --> 00:10:52,607
Stewie, I thought
I tucked you in an hour ago.

209
00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:55,846
Not tightly enough it would seem.
And now you contemptible harpy...

210
00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:58,423
...I shall end your reign
of matriarchal tyranny.

211
00:10:58,524 --> 00:11:00,458
You can play tomorrow, honey.

212
00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:02,049
Right now it's bedtime.

213
00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:05,128
Blast you and your estrogenical treachery!

214
00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:06,528
Sweet dreams, kiddo.

215
00:11:06,632 --> 00:11:07,997
You have the power to end this!

216
00:11:11,103 --> 00:11:12,468
How'd she take it?

217
00:11:12,571 --> 00:11:14,436
I told her she was fat.

218
00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:15,802
No.

219
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,306
I hate lying to Lois. It's just...

220
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:20,504
It's the best way
to keep her from the truth.

221
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:23,081
You have no choice.
Your unemployment will dry up soon.

222
00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:26,618
She'll probably sense something's amiss
when they repossess your house.

223
00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:28,949
You really oughta think
of your family's welfare.

224
00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:30,522
Jeez, Brian! That's a great idea!

225
00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:36,923
Okay, do you have any disabilities,
past injuries, physical anomalies?

226
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,325
I didn't have gas
for the first time until I was 30.

227
00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:46,702
What the hell was that?

228
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:51,607
Guys, our money problems
are over! We're officially on welfare.

229
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,145
Come on, help me scatter car parts
on the front lawn.

230
00:11:54,246 --> 00:11:55,406
How much are we getting?

231
00:11:55,514 --> 00:11:57,778
Let's see. $150 a week.

232
00:11:58,284 --> 00:12:00,013
Wait. That's a comma, not a decimal.

233
00:12:02,154 --> 00:12:03,143
Whoops.

234
00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:05,786
No, I haven't seen Peter all afternoon.

235
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:07,483
I was giving a piano lesson.

236
00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:10,557
Stewie, why don't you play
in the other room?

237
00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:11,994
Why don't you burn in hell?

238
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:14,459
No dessert for you, young man.

239
00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:17,502
Who would've thought getting drunk
would get me...

240
00:12:17,603 --> 00:12:20,470
...$150,000 a week from the government?

241
00:12:20,606 --> 00:12:21,868
This is why I don't vote.

242
00:12:21,974 --> 00:12:24,238
Maybe somebody down there
was drinking, too.

243
00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:27,771
Mr. President, why do you think
the public supports you...

244
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,575
...during these impeachment proceedings?

245
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:31,149
Probably because you're so fat.

246
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,882
Peter, you might want to call
the Welfare Commission.

247
00:12:34,987 --> 00:12:36,887
That check is obviously an oversight.

248
00:12:36,989 --> 00:12:40,516
Not necessarily. Maybe I'm like
their one millionth customer.

249
00:12:40,626 --> 00:12:42,685
What?
You're gonna spend $150,000 a week?

250
00:12:42,795 --> 00:12:44,854
- Yeah.
- On what?

251
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:49,731
Oh, my God!
Peter, you bought the statue of David?

252
00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:52,326
No. I just rented it.
But they're gonna be ticked.

253
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:55,066
The penis broke off
while I was loading it into the car.

254
00:12:58,144 --> 00:12:59,941
I shall call you "Eduardo. "

255
00:13:00,246 --> 00:13:01,941
Peter, how can we afford this?

256
00:13:02,047 --> 00:13:04,015
You won't believe it, Mom! Dad's getting...

257
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:05,208
A big raise!

258
00:13:05,317 --> 00:13:06,978
Peter, that's wonderful!

259
00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:08,075
But, Dad, I thought...

260
00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:11,418
The kind of raise that'll allow me
to give my kids a big allowance...

261
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:14,049
...just for keeping their big mouths shut.
Come on, guys.

262
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,594
I'll buy us
the most expensive meal we've ever had.

263
00:13:17,696 --> 00:13:20,722
Yeah.
I'd like 6,000 chicken fa-ji-tas, please.

264
00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:21,800
I beg your pardon?

265
00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:23,892
6,000 chicken fa-ji-tas.

266
00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:25,800
And a "So-sage" McBiscuit, please.

267
00:13:27,706 --> 00:13:29,503
Peter, what's the big surprise?

268
00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:32,577
You know how I always said
you should be treated like a queen?

269
00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:34,578
I got you your own jester.

270
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:37,477
Good to be here in New England.

271
00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:39,642
And what's the deal
with "New" England anyway?

272
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:44,052
It's over 200 years old!
Last time I checked, that's not that new.

273
00:13:48,694 --> 00:13:49,661
This is great.

274
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:53,391
I can finally afford to give my little girl
the lips she's always dreamed of.

275
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:55,228
Thank you, Daddy!

276
00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:58,465
I don't know, Peter. Lips are one thing.

277
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:01,335
But did you have to buy
breast implants for Chris?

278
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:02,566
It makes him happy.

279
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,404
These are cool.

280
00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:09,503
When did you get a pool?

281
00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:11,014
It's a moat.

282
00:14:11,116 --> 00:14:12,105
I know it's silly...

283
00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:15,654
...but my husband thinks our family
needs extra protection now that...

284
00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:17,119
...we're rich.

285
00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:18,247
Does it work?

286
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:20,951
It does keep the Black Knight at bay.

287
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:28,963
Congratulations in all your success.
Here's your welfare check.

288
00:14:29,468 --> 00:14:30,435
What the...

289
00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:36,639
Hi, honey.

290
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:39,635
What?

291
00:14:39,745 --> 00:14:43,545
I know what I did was wrong.
But I only did it for you and the kids.

292
00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:46,516
Except for the jukebox in the bathroom.
That was for Peter.

293
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:50,783
Yeah, from the American taxpayers.
I am so mad I can't see straight.

294
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,881
No problem.
We got money to get that fixed...

295
00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:57,395
...with enough left for us to buy our way
out of any trouble our kids might get into.

296
00:14:57,496 --> 00:14:58,622
Just like the Kennedys.

297
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,325
I feel like I don't
even know you anymore, Peter.

298
00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:04,266
The man I married would never think
he could fix a problem...

299
00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:05,894
...just by spending money!

300
00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:08,730
Boy, she's pretty pissed.

301
00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:11,173
Who thought fraud
would be one of her buttons?

302
00:15:11,277 --> 00:15:14,610
Why have a jukebox
in the john if your wife's mad at you?

303
00:15:14,713 --> 00:15:17,477
Peter, you may have to return
that money to the taxpayers.

304
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:19,778
But I gotta make sure
Lois knows I'm doing it.

305
00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:21,716
I need an event with thousands of people.

306
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:23,845
Something that everybody cares about.

307
00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:27,225
We might have to leave
Rhode Island for this.

308
00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:31,695
The air is electric here
at Super Bowl XXXllI tonight!

309
00:15:31,797 --> 00:15:34,732
Pat, it's safe to say that all
these fans came out here...

310
00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:36,824
...to watch a game of football!

311
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,927
John, we're in commercial.

312
00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:42,735
Yeah, I know.
I'm just making conversation. Come on.

313
00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:44,869
Football!

314
00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:50,908
Amazing. You can barely drive a car.
Yet you were allowed to fly a blimp?

315
00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:53,678
Yeah, America's great, isn't it?
Except for the South.

316
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,549
Boy, I hope Lois is watching.

317
00:15:55,654 --> 00:15:57,815
Okay, taxpayers, here you go!

318
00:15:59,658 --> 00:16:02,320
Looks like we're getting some rain
here tonight, John.

319
00:16:02,428 --> 00:16:05,886
Yeah. Hey, wait a second!
This is no ordinary rain!

320
00:16:06,198 --> 00:16:08,291
It's some kind of crazy money rain!

321
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,801
I'm being told it's a man and his dog
throwing cash out of a blimp.

322
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:15,670
Man. I hope this works. Otherwise,
I'm gonna have to start dropping these.

323
00:16:20,579 --> 00:16:23,707
The crowd is storming the field!
This is pandemonium!

324
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,410
Have you ever seen anything like this, Pat?

325
00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:31,614
Just once. The 1975 Cotton Bowl.
This is the old "trying to make amends...

326
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:35,524
"... for spending $150,000 a week
in misappropriated welfare funds" play.

327
00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:40,360
I don't care what it is! That guy's ruining
a perfectly good game of football!

328
00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:42,763
- Madden to Fox Security.
- Go ahead.

329
00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:44,665
Take them down!
Yes, sir.

330
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:54,938
How was your shower?

331
00:16:55,047 --> 00:16:57,948
I tell you, all of the rumors
about dropping the soap are true.

332
00:16:58,050 --> 00:16:59,039
Really?

333
00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:01,346
You can't hold onto that thing
to save your life.

334
00:17:01,453 --> 00:17:03,717
It was slipping everywhere.
Guys were laughing.

335
00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:05,983
There's the guy
that couldn't hold the soap.

336
00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:07,718
That was classic.

337
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,726
Boy. I really let Lois down this time.

338
00:17:10,829 --> 00:17:12,126
Do you think she'll wait for me?

339
00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:13,789
If every woman dumped her husband...

340
00:17:13,899 --> 00:17:16,595
...for crashing a blimp,
no one would be married.

341
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,102
Yeah, you're right.
Okay, I got the top bunk.

342
00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:24,599
My collagen is wearing off.

343
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:27,110
Honey, sagging lips are just nature's way...

344
00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:30,204
...of telling you you shouldn't
cover for your father's lie.

345
00:17:30,315 --> 00:17:33,512
What does it mean when your armpits
cry stinky tears?

346
00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:35,678
It means you're becoming a man.

347
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:39,519
But hopefully not the kind who stays out
all day and doesn't call...

348
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:42,150
...like your father
who shall remain nameless.

349
00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:45,094
Hello, Mother.
Hi there, sweetie.

350
00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:47,757
You know, Mother,
life is like a box of chocolates.

351
00:17:47,866 --> 00:17:50,130
You never know what you're going to get.

352
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:52,897
Your life, however,
is more like a box of active grenades!

353
00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:57,475
Now, I offer one last chance
for deliverance.

354
00:17:57,576 --> 00:18:00,636
Return my mind-control device
or be destroyed.

355
00:18:01,447 --> 00:18:04,211
You just want your toy back.

356
00:18:04,316 --> 00:18:06,011
Okay, here you go, honey.

357
00:18:06,885 --> 00:18:09,080
Yes... Well, victory is mine!

358
00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:14,419
Damn you all!

359
00:18:16,128 --> 00:18:17,254
Hello?

360
00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:19,428
Oh, my God!

361
00:18:25,003 --> 00:18:26,903
Lois, am I glad to see you.

362
00:18:27,005 --> 00:18:28,870
I have nothing to say to you, Peter.

363
00:18:28,974 --> 00:18:31,101
I gave the money back.
Why are you still steamed?

364
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:34,611
Peter, you lied to me,
you betrayed my trust.

365
00:18:34,713 --> 00:18:37,011
Compared to that,
welfare fraud doesn't even matter.

366
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:40,085
Really?
Let's hope the judge feels that way.

367
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:42,915
This court will come to order.

368
00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:46,190
I figured the sooner I cashed the check...

369
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:49,055
...the sooner they'd catch their mistake.

370
00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:51,328
Why are we making a federal case
out of this?

371
00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:53,955
Don't you think you should
have alerted the government...

372
00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:55,363
...of such a gross overpayment?

373
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:58,732
I was gonna call them.
But my favorite episode...

374
00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:01,863
...of Different Strokes was on.
The one where Arnold and Dudley...

375
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,306
...get sexually molested
by the bike shop owner?

376
00:19:04,776 --> 00:19:07,609
All right. Now I want you boys
to scream real loud at my ass.

377
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,414
And everybody learns a valuable lesson.

378
00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:12,211
Mr. Griffin, have you learned a lesson?

379
00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:14,842
Yes. Stay the hell away
from that bike shop.

380
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:20,550
Okay, everybody, I feel really bad
about what I did. I just...

381
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:22,183
I don't know. I saw the one chance...

382
00:19:22,294 --> 00:19:25,491
...I'd ever have to give my family
the things they deserve.

383
00:19:25,597 --> 00:19:27,827
I guess I screwed it up.
I cheated the government.

384
00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:30,424
And worst of all, I lied to my wife.

385
00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,463
And she deserves better.

386
00:19:32,571 --> 00:19:34,004
I'm sorry, honey.

387
00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:37,041
Mr. Griffin, I think your words
have touched us all.

388
00:19:37,142 --> 00:19:39,269
I'm sentencing you to 24 months in prison.

389
00:19:39,611 --> 00:19:40,600
No!

390
00:19:40,712 --> 00:19:41,770
- No!
- No!

391
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:42,778
No!

392
00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:43,848
Yeah!

393
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,717
Excuse me, Your Honor?
Yes?

394
00:19:52,824 --> 00:19:56,157
Look, my husband may be
a bit thoughtless at times.

395
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:59,753
He may even be downright stupid.

396
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:02,197
But I know he only accepted that money...

397
00:20:02,301 --> 00:20:05,202
...because he wanted to be
a good husband and father.

398
00:20:05,737 --> 00:20:08,365
But what he needs to remember
is that we love him.

399
00:20:08,473 --> 00:20:11,374
And no matter what,
I'll always stand by him.

400
00:20:11,476 --> 00:20:13,307
I love you too, honey.

401
00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:17,380
That was very moving, Mrs. Griffin.
Okay, you can go to jail with him!

402
00:20:17,482 --> 00:20:18,449
What?

403
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:22,577
24 months in prison? Unacceptable!
Intolerable as it may be...

404
00:20:22,688 --> 00:20:25,987
...I'm completely dependent upon
those wretched drones for sustenance.

405
00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:29,151
Let us see how the constitution
of American justice fares...

406
00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:31,092
...against the device!

407
00:20:40,839 --> 00:20:42,101
Is that your boy?

408
00:20:42,207 --> 00:20:44,038
What? Yeah. That's Stewie.

409
00:20:44,142 --> 00:20:48,977
Gosh. I can't separate a kid that young
from his father. It's unjudgmenly.

410
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,208
- Hell, you've learned your lesson, right?
- Yeah.

411
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:54,376
- All right. You're free.
- Wow! Can you give me my job back?

412
00:20:54,486 --> 00:20:55,475
No.

413
00:20:56,121 --> 00:20:57,884
- Yes.
- All right!

414
00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:03,885
That was a crazy one, Dick.

415
00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:07,159
It sure was. In this next blooper
from Joanie Loves Chachi...

416
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,564
...watch what happens when Scott Baio
tries to say:

417
00:21:09,668 --> 00:21:11,761
"She sells seashells
down by the seashore. "

418
00:21:11,870 --> 00:21:13,269
What does your mom do?

419
00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:14,862
She sells seashells down by the...

420
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:18,366
That is kind of a tongue twister.

421
00:21:18,477 --> 00:21:20,536
It's good to have you home, Peter.

422
00:21:20,646 --> 00:21:22,944
Honey, I knew everything
would turn out okay.

423
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:24,481
I sure am gonna miss being rich.

424
00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:26,551
Don't worry.
I got a way to get money.

425
00:21:26,652 --> 00:21:28,176
Not another welfare scam?

426
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,448
No. Minority scholarship.

427
00:21:37,596 --> 00:21:39,826
No.
Are you insane?

428
00:21:39,931 --> 00:21:42,695
Okay, I mean sexual harassment suit.

429
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:45,131
No.
Don't think so.

430
00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:46,465
Absolutely outrageous.

431
00:21:46,571 --> 00:21:48,004
Okay, disability claim.

5 ways to ask questions like a native speaker

0:00Hi, everyone. I'm Jade. Today, I want to talk to you about native speaker questions, how
0:06native ask questions. I'm sure you already know how to ask questions in English. That's
0:14just basic stuff. That's baby stuff. But do you know the different phrases that native
0:21speakers use to ask questions and the slightly different grammar? Maybe you don't. Maybe
0:27you don't already know that. That's why I made today's video. So they watching, and
0:32I'm going to explain all about that, how to ask questions like a native speaker.
0:40First things first. You have to learn the question phrases that native speakers will
0:49use when they're asking a question. Here they are. "Could you tell me?" "I wonder." "I wanted
0:55to know." "Do you know?" And "Who knows?" So what you do is you take one of these phrases.
1:05Then, you put the normal question that you're going to ask, but you have to change the order
1:13of the grammar slightly. So here are some examples. Just baby English sentences. You
1:19already know how to make questions like this. Here's the question word. In the middle is
1:25the verb, and in the last position is the object. "Where is he?" "Who is that?" "What
1:32are they?" "When is it?" So what do we do then? Do we just use the
1:37phrase and put this there? No. No, no. That would be too easy. So what we do is we need
1:48to swap. And I'm sorry this is the same colour. It would be really helpful to change the colour
1:55here. So we swap the position of the verb and the object. We have to swap the position
2:04-- excuse me while I put the pen down. And I'm going to put it back here. "Could you
2:10tell me where he is?" Feels a little bit weird at first saying that, doesn't it? Because
2:18it goes against the structure that you're used to. "I wonder who that is. I wonder who
2:25that is." "I wanted to know what they are." "Do you know when it is?" That's part one.
2:38Unfortunately, not all questions are as simple as baby questions when speaking English. Something
2:44that causes quite a bit of confusion is questions in the present and past simple because these
2:52questions are the ones with the "do, did, does" also in the question.
2:59So what we want to know now is how do we fit a question that's the present or the past
3:06simple such as, "When does the lesson start?" This is the present simple form. "When did
3:15they do it?" That's the past simple question form. And "What do you do?" That's the present
3:20simple form again. How do we take these sentences and fit them with our phrases for asking questions?
3:31Well, it's actually not that hard because you can take out the "does, did, do". You
3:41have to forget about them. You don't need them. So in one sense, it makes it easier.
3:45But you do sometimes have to pay attention to the verb conjugation. So let's have a look.
3:53"Could you tell" -- oh, I need to -- what am I doing? I need to show you that we're
3:57removing those. Also in the blue pen. I'm sorry about the blue pen. I don't have any
4:04other pens at the moment. "Could you tell me when the lesson start." You can't say that.
4:13"Could you tell me when the lesson start." This is what I mean about verb conjugation.
4:18You have to say "when the lesson starts". Back to the pen, and it's going to be a very
4:25small S because there's no space. Why am I making so many excuses today? It's a blue
4:31pen. That's what you're getting. So here you go. "I wonder how they do it." This one is
4:41the present simple. We can keep it like that if we're still talking about the present simple.
4:48If we want to talk about the past, we can say, "I wonder how they did it."
4:53The next example, "I wanted to know what do you do?" This is fine, also. Let's move this
5:01down for the other examples. So when the question phrase has "you" in it, as subject, you might
5:09need to change the rest of the question. "Do you know how they do it?" Well, not for that
5:18one. "Do you know when the lesson starts?" That's another example. The same way that
5:24we needed to change this with the S because of "you" here, we need to change here also.
5:32"Do you know when the lesson starts?" And let's do one more example, "Who knows
5:42what you do?" That would almost be rude. Now, we're ready to go to the final stage
5:47of asking questions like a native speaker. What you do is you take one of the phrases,
5:53and then you use "if" or "whether". It's in orange. Can you squint to see it? "If" or
6:02"whether". And then, we take a question, but these questions are different because there
6:08is no question word like "what", "when", "why", "how". We don't have those question words.
6:17And we don't have "did", "does", "do". We don't have those question words either.
6:23Here are some examples. "Is it expensive?" "Have they got a car?" And "Can I have a cake?"
6:32So then, we put all the pieces together using "if" or "whether". "If" or "whether" basically
6:40mean the same thing. "Whether" is a little bit more British English, I would say, or
6:46possibly more British English, plus more formal. "Could you tell me whether it is expensive?"
6:55Ah-ha! Ah-ha! So we have to swap again. We have to swap the position of the verb. So
7:06notice how the position of "is" has changed. It's not at the beginning of the question
7:13anymore over here. "Could you tell me whether it is expensive?" "I wonder if they have got
7:25a car." "I wanted to know whether I can have a cake." Let's do two more. "Do you know if
7:38it is expensive?" "Who knows if they have a car."
7:49Asking questions like a native speaker. You need to practise it a bit because your mind
7:59is used to saying the sentence structure in a fixed way. So it's a little bit tricky to
8:06do at first. But with practice and patience, you can ask questions like a native speaker.
8:13Thank you so much for watching today. I want to invite you please, invite you, encourage
8:20you, love you -- love you? I would love you. I would love you to come and join my mailing
8:30list. I have a growing family of people on my mailing list. And I'm in touch a couple
8:35of times a week with my personal coaching emails. So I write to you about something
8:42motivational, or I share something with you. So why not join me like all the other people?
8:48I would appreciate it so much. Come back again soon to my channel where I have videos about
8:54English, communication, introvert things -- all things, really, on my channel. So until next
9:03time, see you. Bye-bye.

Hacking Language Learning

a big part of why I work
0:10with endangered languages is because I myself am a descendant
0:13love a speech community that even today is struggling to survive
0:17look at the name over there you can probably guess which one it is
0:20but for many of my friends
0:23language loss is much more immediate much more intense
0:26for them its loss over trunk of their sovereignty
0:30to connection to their past a connection to their cultural wealth of
0:35a grounding in their history now my work
0:39I've seen time and time again just how much
0:43have wrenching it can be for parents and child
0:47a grandparent and grandchild to become disconnected in a way that goes
0:51far beyond any kind of national generation gap but even if you care
0:57even if you sympathize you may think well
1:01endangered languages to start with saving because you probably think
1:04they'll cost a fair bit
1:06share much fair bit too safe not just
1:10money but also time and energy and attention and these are things that are
1:13all in short supply these days
1:15and especially so for a lot of these very same community switchers often
1:18faced with
1:19even more immediate even more material challenges but what if it cost
1:24next to nothing next to nothing to learn a new language
1:28what if we could radically reduce linguistic entry costs
1:31well then the arguments against sustaining linguistic diversity
1:35would not sounds a reasonable because all of us could
1:39easily jump from language to language sister show respect to our host or guest
1:44or to enjoy the expressive capacities that this particular language allows us
1:47or simply because between you and me this language is the one that feels the
1:52most like home
1:53so the obvious question is how long does it take to learn a new language
1:57not perfectly not you know without a single tear
2:01i not even flew me but just enough to get your foot in the door enough to get
2:04started enough to get going to join that speech community
2:07and departed well in my experience
2:10it's about a week or so and
2:13you know I was just as shocked as you discover this in the summer I've
2:18June I and summer of 2003 after just 10 days in Bulgaria with my new in-laws
2:23I was able to talk well enough to translate for my sister when she came
2:26and in the same thing happen again the next summer I went to the Czech Republic
2:30for my cousin's wedding
2:31showed up about a week early and by the time the wedding rolled around as just
2:34chatting away with all my new check relatives
2:36I wasn't fluent and I wasn't flawless but I was effective
2:41now real fluency in my experience does take a long time
2:45does take hanging out with the speech community but still
2:48just one week and change to get a foot in the door
2:53to be able to party with the checks to be able to hang on Bulgarian cafes in
2:56order french fries with aplomb
2:58that seem like an idea worth sharing
3:01now of course I'm a train field linguists you probably think will your
3:05self-selected you've got experience you've got talent right
3:08but when I do it it doesn't feel
3:12hola talent not much like experience either all it feels like it's a really
3:16clear sense
3:17have what to do how to handle vocabulary pronunciation grammar and more than
3:22anything else
3:23how to make it through any conversation and this
3:28this is what I think we're missing when we struggle with language is when we
3:32fail to learn languages
3:33we'll get our languages we don't get tight
3:37how to learn languages and that's what I've been working on for quite some time
3:40it now
3:40how to translate experience the skill set up a train feeling listen to form
3:45the
3:45anybody any %uh view can pick up quickly and used to become
3:49active learners confident learners to can step right out into the street the
3:53scary Street
3:54love realize language you a real-life language
3:57use with very little fear if we can do this
4:02and it doesn't just change how you and me learn languages
4:05but it also has the potential to radically reshape how
4:10linguistic majorities and linguistic minorities can live and work together in
4:13the same world
4:15because now separate linguistic traditions are no longer communicative
4:18obstacles
4:19but actually resources social cultural
4:23intellectual even emotional resources that we can all
4:27share and enjoy together sup
4:30how we do it how we get that foot in the door at least that foot in the door well
4:33first and foremost
4:34what we need to understand is our own psychology we need to understand that
4:37it's the social and emotional aspects of language learning
4:41that decide everything company for start online which it's humiliating
4:44it's embarrassing it's frustrating
4:47so excuse you guys are rushing out the door to learn language
4:51but this is because as adults as teenagers we measure ourselves and how
4:55well we can present ourselves with our words
4:57in a new language we lose their control and women screaming away from that
5:01we dodge conversations we hide in the linguistic sidelines we do anything to
5:05avoid a simple face to face conversation
5:08which is the one thing the only thing that's going to make us better and
5:11English speakers in today's world
5:12the world is very accommodating if that make it very easy for us to you
5:17indulge in a in states just bailout when we get linguistic stage fright
5:22so what we do well the short answer is we learned to check
5:26our shame at the door we learn to embrace this loss of control
5:30enjoy the fact that we've been or less involuntarily
5:33given a second childhood in any language
5:36right so
5:40if we can do this if we can do this then
5:43we have learned to shift our job we frame our
5:46reformer job to you not from
5:49trying to seek out perfection not making any mistakes but instead
5:53just learning to cope well and
5:56the best place to learn linguistic coping skills
6:00is through simply learning how to you
6:04improvise learning how to use description:
6:07metaphor analogy to work around the words that we don't know
6:10so for example if I ate on has a tiger in your language
6:14I'll say the thing it's like a cat with big
6:17and orange and the one behind you looks a little bit hungry
6:23it's these clunky but effective descriptions that actually get us
6:26through
6:27that actually get us through any conversation and
6:30when we learn to congratulate ourselves on them when we realize that
6:34how this person actually understood what I said
6:37then we feel good about ourselves and we find
6:41they understood I said and now even better the time he had to say it right
6:45that's a language lesson that we will never ever forget
6:48never so I am there's actually a second lesson inside this which is that
6:53language is not all on you when you when I speak together
6:57we make meaning together so learning to cope well in another language
7:01is as much if not more about learning to lean on the other person's
7:05full and complete knowledge of the language and even more on their
7:08willingness
7:09to help you make this conversation happen
7:12so again if we learn to re free Marjah
7:16re Famer task reformer job as
7:20as being effective not perfect
7:24that every conversation stops being this potentials minefield I've
7:28in embarrassing mistakes and errors instead is an exciting place first come
7:32back to every time
7:33because you get to be your own MacGyver you get to rummage around in linguistic
7:36packets and pull a toothbrush
7:38a button and a paperclip and couple that all together and somehow
7:42poll of the communicative job right
7:45when you feel that three love being a linguistic euro time and time again you
7:49come back to conversations you seek them out
7:51you want to be there and when you n when you approach the task like that
7:56will pretty soon you find yourself fairly close to fluid so that's how we
7:59cope with
8:00linguistic with linguistic stage fright with linguistic performance anxiety
8:05which is 90 percent of what holds us back the only thing left
8:09is of course the language all the pronunciation
8:12all the grammar all the vocabulary it's really intimidating
8:15but mostly because we're all trying to juggle it all at once we've got no way
8:18to organize it no way to prioritize it
8:22there is a way what we need is a simple
8:25practical understanding if the design features of language
8:30so let me give you just a brief taste that I am
8:33take pronunciation anybody can learn to pronounce
8:36any sound in any language bro anyone to view I love you
8:40if you don't believe me it's probably because you've heard the following
8:42freeze listen
8:43and repeat after me that doesn't work it doesn't work
8:47what does work is learning the clear and simple setup instructions for how to
8:51move your mouse to make that weird sound
8:53after that we need is a little bit exercise to work your mouth for that
8:56orel choreography
8:58and very soon you find that your muscles limber up in with seemed
9:01unfamiliar unpronounceable unreachable even becomes a must as familiar
9:06as every other send you putting your whole life so you don't need any special
9:09talent you don't need any special
9:11on any special here for language you just don't
9:15even more importantly is have been
9:18is rhythm and melody when you go after the distinct cadence of language
9:23when you try to internalize that you didn't lyndon that that particular
9:26language is
9:27uses than and use that as the foundation of your own finance issue
9:30well then it turns out that your own words come out fluently
9:36they flow in at cadence the cadence is the current the Carrizo you words
9:39even better when you have the kids internalize and you're waiting for
9:42expecting it
9:43and suddenly something was miraculous happens which is that you an
9:47native speaker speech certainly doesn't seem so fast because it's that prism and
9:51that melody
9:51that actually tells you where the words begin and
9:55that's pretty Asian without primer members terrifying right
10:00it's only because we teach grammar as a million little disconnected
10:03are retracing rules when in fact grammer's are tiny little ecosystem
10:06every little part fits and every little part
10:08and if you look at those ecosystems from the top we can see a very hopeful
10:11simplicity
10:12which is that I love those rules fall down on one side or the other
10:16what we do when we talk which is we mentioned general concepts
10:20things like cat and dog events Lake
10:23bite and chase right and then we tie them into
10:27the specifics at this conversation my cat your dog
10:30it bit me in yesterday's passed its
10:34turns up all grammatical rules actually fall somewhere along the line between
10:37the general conceptual
10:39any conversation specific and want to play around with this idea for a while
10:42grammatical rules become extremely easy to remember because now you know
10:46where they live in the neighborhood and what the relationship started their
10:48neighbors
10:49after that the only thing that's left is vocabulary
10:53vocabulary dictionaries for love all the words you don't know yet
10:56it turns out we don't actually need to know that much for capital because we
11:00have are coping skills we can talk around the words that we don't know
11:03we can list from context work out a lot of new words we're hearing
11:08and when all else fails now we know we have a license to simply ask for help
11:13so what words do we actually need to learn first
11:18the short words the small words the little linking words
11:21thing is one of them a the words like
11:25and or but love to who what when where and why
11:28because these will get you the most expressive bang for your buck
11:31these are the these are the words that will save you when you needed the
11:35conversation
11:36you know exactly what you want to say then boom it this far because you
11:39realize you have not learned
11:40the word almost
11:44when you focus on those words from the get-go that you find you have the frame
11:47the outlines have language up and running
11:49and then there's only one thing left the rest of the language
11:53and there's a trick for this is a check for this and to prioritize the restive a
11:57cafe get what you need first
11:59you can start with the egocentric experience the body you say okay my eyes
12:03they see
12:05they see in a look here's the missing in the here my hands to pick up and put
12:08down
12:09my mind it it knows it feels it loves it understands when it tries to learn
12:14language sometimes it remembers and sometimes it forgets
12:18when you get these words the score verbs interaction
12:21an experience and tied them together with all those little words this little
12:24linking words
12:25if a very small said a vocabulary that you actually know but it happens to be
12:28precisely the setup expressive tools
12:30that you need to make your way through any conversation
12:34so I hope that I have commits to you
12:38that this is just this is not just for linguists
12:41anybody can learn a language anybody can get that foot in the door
12:44which is the part that really matters I'm
12:47you can do it here right now
12:50on all it really takes all really takes
12:54is a somewhat better sense of where r motions are at
12:58where our heart is at me go to learn language and also some a better sense
13:02how language actually does fit into our minds
13:06and if this is possible and it means that joining in his speech community
13:10is much easier than you think and that can take a lot of the pressure of people
13:13who have been told
13:14you need to abandon your small language in favor I'll
13:17in favor of this big large language
13:21but there's more every language that I have ever learned
13:24every language that even started to learn has radically reshaped
13:30how I look at the world how I deal with people
13:33how I think and that's lovely but even more important than that
13:37are the people that I've met in the ways that have been able to meet them
13:41because I've learning a language they changed my life
13:44in more ways than I can even begin to describe here
13:48now up till now the kind of opportunities only been available to
13:51train linguists and
13:52the occasional genius servant polyglot
13:56but now now we all have been its
13:59and so there's nothing more I can say except go for it
14:03good luck

Hackschooling makes me happy

When you're a kid,
0:18you get asked this one particular question a lot.
0:21It really gets kind of annoying.
0:23"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
0:26Now, adults are hoping for answers like
0:29"I want to be an Astronaut" or
0:30"I want to be a Neurosurgeon".
0:33You adults and your imaginations. (Laughter)
0:36Kids,
0:37they are more likely to answer with pro skateboarder
0:39surfer or Minecraft player.
0:42I asked my little brother, and he said,
0:44"Seriously dude, I'm 10, I have no idea,
0:46probably a pro skier.
0:48Let's go get some ice cream!"
0:49(Laughter)
0:50See, us kids are going to answer
0:52with something we're stoked on
0:54What we think is cool.
0:55What we have experience with,
0:57and that's typically the opposite of what adults want to hear.
1:01But if you ask a little kid,
1:02sometimes you'll get the best answer,
1:05something so simple, so obvious,
1:07and really profound.
1:10"When I grow up, I want to be happy".
1:13For me, when I grow up,
1:14I want to continue to be happy
1:16like I am now.
1:17I'm stoked to be here at TEDx,
1:19I've been watching TED videos
1:20for as long as I can remember.
1:22But I never thought I'd make it on stage here so soon.
1:25I mean, I just became a teenager,
1:26and like most teenage boys,
1:28I spend most of my time wondering:
1:30"How did my room get so messy all on its own?" (Laughter)
1:33Did I take a shower today? (Laughter)
1:35And the most perplexing of all,
1:37How do I get girls to like me? (Laughter)
1:41Neuroscientists say that the teenage brain is pretty weird.
1:44Our prefrontal cortex is underdeveloped,
1:46but we actually have more neurons than adults.
1:48Which is why we can be so creative, and impulsive, and moody,
1:52and get bummed out.
1:55But what bums me out is to know that
1:57a lot of kids today are just wishing to be happy,
2:01to be healthy, to be safe, not bullied,
2:03and be loved for who they are.
2:05So it seems to me when adults say,
2:08"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
2:10They just assume that you'll automatically be happy and healthy.
2:14But maybe that's not the case.
2:16Go to school. Go to college. Get a job.
2:18Get married. Boom!
2:20Then you'll be happy, right?
2:22We don't seem to make learning how to be happy and healthy
2:25a priority in our schools.
2:26It's separated from schools,
2:28and for some kids, it doesn't exist at all.
2:31But what if we didn't make it separate?
2:33What if we based education on the study
2:35and practice of being happy and healthy?
2:37Because that's what it is, a practice.
2:40And a simple practice like that.
2:43Education is important,
2:45but why is being happy and healthy
2:46not considered education?
2:48I just don't get it.
2:51I've been studying the science of being happy and healthy.
2:54It really comes down to practicing these 8 things:
2:57Exercise, diet and nutrition,
2:59time in nature, contribution and service to others,
3:02relationships, recreation,
3:04relaxation and stress management,
3:07and religious or spiritual involvement.
3:09Yes, I got that one. (Laugther)
3:11So these 8 things come from Dr. Roger Walsh.
3:15He calls them "Therapeutic Lifestyle Changes"
3:17or TLCs for short,
3:19He's a scientist that studies how to be happy and healthy.
3:22In researching this talk,
3:24I got a chance to ask him a few questions like:
3:26"Do you think better schools today are making these 8 TLCs a priority?"
3:30His response was no surprise.
3:32It was essentially "No".
3:34But he did say
3:35that many people do try to get this kind of education
3:38outside of the traditional arena
3:40through reading or practices such as meditation or yoga.
3:44But what I thought was his best response
3:46was that much of education is oriented,
3:48for better or worse,
3:50towards making a living rather than making a life.
3:55In 2006, Sir Ken Robinson gave
3:57the most popular TED talk of all time,
4:00"Schools Kill Creativity."
4:02His message is that creativity is as important as literacy,
4:06and we should treat it with the same status.
4:09A lot of parents watched those videos,
4:11some of those parents like mine counted it as one of the reasons
4:13they felt confident to pull their kids from traditional school,
4:16to try something different.
4:19I realize that I am part of this small but growing revolution of kids
4:22who are going about their education differently.
4:24And you know what? It freaks a lot of people out.
4:28Even though I was only 9
4:30when my parents pulled me out of the school system,
4:32I can still remember my mom being in tears
4:34when some of her friends told her she was crazy, and it was a stupid idea.
4:37Looking back, I'm thankful she didn't cave to peer pressure,
4:41and I think she is too.
4:43So out of the 200 million people
4:48that have watched Sir Ken Robinson's talk,
4:50why aren't there more kids like me out there?
4:55Shane McConkey is my hero.
4:57I loved him because he was the world's best skier.
4:59But then one day I realized what I really loved about Shane.
5:03He was a hacker.
5:04Not a computer hacker,
5:06he hacked skiing.
5:07His creativity and inventions made skiing what it is today,
5:11and why I love to ski.
5:14A lot of people think of hackers as geeky computer nerds
5:17who live in their parent's basement, and spread computer viruses.
5:20But, I don't see it that way.
5:22Hackers are innovators.
5:24Hackers are people who challenge and change the systems
5:27to make them work differently, to make them work better.
5:30It's just how they think, it's a mindset.
5:33I'm growing up in a world
5:35that needs more people with the hacker mindset,
5:37and not just for technology.
5:39Everything is up for being hacked, even skiing,
5:42even education.
5:45So whether it's Steve Jobs,
5:47Mark Zuckerberg or Shane McConkey,
5:49having the hacker mindset can change the world.
5:54Healthy, happy, creativity,
5:56and the hacker mindset are all a large part of my education.
5:59I call it "Hack-Schooling".
6:01I don't use any one particular curriculum,
6:03and I'm not dedicated to anyone's particular approach.
6:06I hack my education.
6:09I take advantage of opportunities in my community,
6:11and through a network of my friends and family.
6:14I take advantage of opportunities to experience what I'm learning.
6:17And I'm not afraid to look for shortcuts
6:19or hacks to get a better, faster result.
6:23It's like a remix or a mashup of learning.
6:27It's flexible, opportunistic,
6:29and it never loses sight of making happy,
6:31healthy and creativity a priority.
6:34And here's the cool part because it's a mindset
6:37not a system.
6:39Hack-schooling can be used by anyone even traditional schools,
6:45So, what does my school look like?
6:47Well it looks like Starbucks a lot of the time. (Laughter)
6:50But, like most kids,
6:52I study a lot of math, science, history, and writing.
6:56I didn't used to like to write
6:58because my teachers made me write about butterflies and rainbows.
7:01And I wanted to write about skiing.
7:04It was a relief when my good friend's mom
7:06started The Squaw Valley Kids Institute
7:08Where I got to write through my experiences and my interests
7:12while connecting with great speakers from around the nation
7:15and that sparked my love of writing.
7:18I realize that
7:20once you're motivated to learn something,
7:23you can get a lot done in a short amount of time
7:25and on your own.
7:27Starbucks is pretty great for that.
7:30Hacking physics was fun.
7:32We learned all about Newton and Galileo,
7:35and we experienced some basic physics concepts like
7:38kinetic energy though experimenting and making mistakes.
7:41My favorite was the giant Newton's cradle that we made out of bocci balls.
7:47We experimented with a lot of other things like bowling balls
7:50and even giant jawbreakers.
7:54Project Discovery's Ropes Course is awesome
7:57and slightly stressful.
7:59When you're 60 feet off the ground,
8:01you have to learn how to handle your fears,
8:03communicate clearly and most importantly, trust each other.
8:08Community organizations play a big part in my education.
8:11A High Fives Foundations Basics Program:
8:14"Being Aware and Safe in Critical Situations"
8:18We spent a day with the Squaw Valley ski patrol
8:20to learn more about mountain safety.
8:21The next day we switched to the science of snow,
8:24weather, and avalanches.
8:26But most importantly,
8:27we learned that making bad decision puts you
8:29and your friends at risk.
8:32Young Shu-Tak Woo brings history to life.
8:35You study a famous character in history,
8:37so you can stand on stage and perform as that character.
8:40and answer any question about their lifetime.
8:44In this photo,
8:45you see Al Capone and Bob Marley
8:47getting grilled with questions
8:49at the historical Piper's Opera House in Virginia City.
8:52The same stage where Harry Houdini got his start.
8:57Time in nature is really important to me.
8:59It's calm, quiet, and I get to just log out of reality.
9:04I spend one day a week outside all day.
9:07At my Foxwalker classes,
9:09our goal is to be able to survive in the wilderness with just a knife.
9:12We learn to listen to nature, we learn to sense our surroundings,
9:16and I've gained a spiritual connection to nature
9:19that I never knew existed.
9:21But the best part is that we get to make spears,
9:23bows and arrows, fires with just a bow drill,
9:26and survival shelters for the snowy nights when we camp out.
9:31Hanging out at The Moment Factory
9:33where they hand make skis and design clothes,
9:35has really inspired me to one day have my own business.
9:38the guys at the factory have showed me why I need to be good at math,
9:42be creative and get good at sewing.
9:45So I got an internship at Big Short Brand
9:48to get better at design and sewing.
9:50Between fetching lunch, scrubbing toilets,
9:53and breaking their vacuum cleaner,
9:54I'm getting to contribute to clothing design,
9:56customizing hats, and selling them.
9:59The people who work there are happy, healthy, creative
10:02and stocked to be doing what they're doing.
10:04This is by far, my favorite class.
10:08So, this is where I'm really happy,
10:10powder days.
10:12And it's a good metaphor for my life,
10:14my education,
10:16my Hack-schooling.
10:17If everyone skied this mountain
10:19like most people think of education,
10:21everyone would be skiing the same line,
10:23probably the safest,
10:24and most of the "powder" would go untouched.
10:27I look at this and see a thousand possibilites.
10:30Dropping the cornice, shredding the spine,
10:32looking for a [unclear] from cliff to cliff.
10:35Skiing to me is freedom, and so it's my education.
10:39It's about being creative, doing things differently.
10:42it's about community, and helping each other,
10:44it's about being happy and healthy
10:46among my very best friends.
10:49So I'm starting to think I know
10:51what I might want to do when I grow up.
10:53But if you ask me what do I want to be when I grow up,
10:56I'll always know that I want to be happy.
10:59Thank you. (Applause)

Ancient DNA -- What It Is and What It Could Be

i'ma
0:05molecular paleontologist some sophisticated
0:09actually I just made it up I spend most my time
0:12in the lab or in front of a computer but during the summer
0:15I prefer to spend my days and nights in the far north
0:19where I divide my time between waging war against mosquitoes
0:23and searching for the remains have Ice Age animals
0:26which I bring back to the lab to extract their ancient DNA
0:29as an early career scientist I was interested in ancient DNA for three
0:34reasons:
0:34first it was an opportunity to combine my interests in paleontology geology and
0:40molecular evolution
0:41I could get DNA from fossils and use this to watch species evolve
0:46through time second it was a brand new field
0:49absolutely bursting with enthusiasm and excitement
0:53a career in ancient DNA promise to be different definitely cool and
0:57hopefully useful and a third I'd really wanted to go to the Arctic
1:01so what about the Arctic is so good for DNA
1:05well it is the best place for the long-term preservation have DNA
1:09and the reason why is quite straightforward it's called
1:12and it's been called consistently for at least the last million years
1:16this period was characterized by dramatic shifts between very cold
1:20glacial intervals
1:21and much warmer interglacial periods like the one we're in today
1:24during the glacial periods or ice ages the I
1:28the sea level was a lot lower than it is today because much to the planet's water
1:31was taken up into the glaciers forming on
1:33the confidence the lower sea level exposed a massive lands that connected
1:37at the Asian and North American continents
1:39this land mass was called the India and it's where I do much of my work
1:43now crucially brings your was not glaciated
1:46during the last ice age instead it was a rich tundra grassland
1:50that was home to an equally rich diversity have ice age: plants and
1:54animals
1:54today most to the species are extinct but their bones and other hard bits
1:59tusks
1:59teeth hair sometimes even for monies survive frozen to the ground
2:03called permafrost we look for frozen bones wherever the permafrost is melting
2:09along river beds around lakes and active gold mining sites such as this one in
2:13Canada's Yukon Territory
2:14all the gold miners wash away the permafrost to get to the gold
2:18there and gravels beneath thousands have bones are unearthed
2:21over the last decades I and colleagues from around the world have extracted DNA
2:26from
2:26tens of thousands of these bounds and use them to better understand
2:30how Ice Age animals were affected by climate change in particular the last
2:35ice age
2:36we've learned for example that bison horses and ma'am it's really liked it
2:40when I was cold
2:41this is when their populations with the biggest genetic diversity
2:44the most part as a got warmer many these populations order to decline and
2:49eventually went extinct
2:50we watched brown bears during the last ice age disperse out of alaska across
2:54Asia and into europe
2:56presumably chasing after these growing populations over before us
2:59we've asked questions such as why do some species including
3:03the the cave lion go extinct while others
3:06but the caribou continue to thrive today and today we find ourselves in the
3:11middle at the gym Nomex revolution
3:13once again with growing enthusiasm to push this a little bit further
3:16we find ourselves more and more frequently being asked and asking each
3:20other
3:20can we sequence a complete genome of an extinct animal and
3:23dare we say it actually bring one back to life to answer this let me first
3:29recap very quickly when I'm going to call the seven that they describe a
3:33deeply oversimplified steps
3:35to bringing an extinct species back to life first you have to sequence the
3:38genome
3:39and somewhere in there are the jeans from its these ABC's geez antes
3:43the genes that code for the proteins that make the cells are the body's the
3:46behaviors have the things we're trying to bring back
3:48then we have to get these genomes on the chromosomes because chromosomes are the
3:53way that genetic material
3:54is carried in the cells then we have to get the chromosomes into the nucleus
3:58and the nucleus into the cell so they can start to divide and then we have to
4:01get the cell
4:03at the embryo into a surrogate mother
4:06so that it can actually grow up and develop and become something and
4:08presumably
4:09her genome isn't going to have too much to say about this developmental process
4:14and then she's got to take this developing embryo and fetus actually
4:17two-term
4:18in this case this is also not simple there's a
4:21very large size difference between the much larger mammoth
4:25and smaller elephants and it's not known whether it will actually be
4:28physically possible for female elephant to carry a baby mammoth two-term
4:33without disaster but assuming disaster is a burden the mammoth can be bored and
4:38learn how to be a mammoth we then have to find a place for to live
4:41so can go about doing mammoth the stuff and eventually make more mammoth
4:45pretty straightforward k so easy might be an exaggeration
4:50or an outright lie but let's not get caught and semantics a.m.
4:54so where are we in this with a mammoth the first attempts to sequence a
4:58complete genome a mammoth was published in 2008
5:01in the journal Nature the authors manage to sequence 3.3 billion base pairs
5:06have mammoth DNA when this was all put together in back to the elephant that
5:09look like
5:10about fifty percent have the mammoth genome had been sequenced
5:1350 percent that's about half so said if this we're working with
5:17this but that's okay that's great that was state-of-the-art in 2008 and its
5:22pretty much stay to the arts today in fact does anybody know
5:25how many vertebrate genomes have been completely sequenced including
5:30modern vertebrates living vertebrate species
5:33give you a hint it's not a very big number none
5:37not even our own genome for which an honest to goodness ridiculous amount of
5:41sequence data has been published
5:42we do not know the complete sequence of our own team
5:46I'm being a little bit unfair we do know more than 99 percent
5:49have the genome the party barge in on that actually codes for things where the
5:52jeans live
5:53the you chromatin it's the other part the heterochromatin
5:56that is made as tightly condensed repeat sequences that are just super hard to
6:00sequence through
6:02the heterochromatin doesn't make up a very big part of our genome it might not
6:05actually be that important but we don't know
6:08because we have a menace to sequence it for living thing
6:12for the mammoth we don't know the heterochromatin we also don't know where
6:15the jeans are much less
6:17where the specific genes that make a mammoth look like a mammoth
6:20are so we can find them and use that said
6:23hybridized so what we do how we fix this problem
6:27well seems pretty clear let's finish it we go into the Arctic we find a really
6:32well preserved mammoth bone we take a chunk out of it and bring it back to the
6:35lab them
6:35sequence the genome that's where the fun begins
6:38if I'm gonna sequence my own genome I could start with say a piece of my hair
6:43and I could dissolve enough in the extraction stuff
6:46and sequence everything that was in there and the results would look like
6:49this
6:50pretty much everything inside that DNA extract would be me
6:53my own DNA that's because I'm alive my DNA is in good condition
6:57left my hair has it anywhere particularly weird not so for the
7:00mammoth
7:02a similar experiment performed on a mammoth bone from alaska
7:05resulted in about 50 percent or more than half of the sequences in that tone
7:09being mammoth
7:10the other half was a combination of plants bacteria other stuff for the
7:13gotten into the bone
7:14while it was in the soil and stuff that might have been introduced into the bone
7:18during the process of excavation and sequencing we touched a boner
7:22breathe on the sample but they're still pretty good permafrost preserved more
7:25than fifty percent
7:27here's a similar experiment for a Neandertal from a cave in Croatia
7:31here only three percent have the sequences in that extract were actually
7:35primate and that includes both Neandertal sequences and any potentially
7:39contaminating
7:40human sequences but this is still good there's still
7:43the other told DNA in this sample just not much of it
7:46so presumably what that means is all we have to do is sequence a lot more of it
7:51and to some extent that's absolutely true but there is another problem
7:55you imagine that our own DNA is like a rope or a ridin or
7:59party streamers say like those were gonna put up to celebrate
8:02the birth of our first cloned mammoth the mammoth DNA itself is actually going
8:07to be
8:07more like confetti
8:11that's been run over by a part of mammoths in the rain
8:16water oxygen solar radiation bacterial decay all of these things
8:21will begin to act on the long strands to DNA immediately after an organism dies
8:27and eventually that DNA will be chopped down into smaller and smaller fragments
8:31until there's nothing left so this is what we have to make
8:35this to make the EU's and eventually that
8:40it's a hard problem its problem that probably won't be solved without
8:44new and different biotechnology than what's available today
8:48but as we progress toward this goal we're going to learn a tremendous amount
8:51about these extinct animals
8:53knowledge that I have no doubt will help us to win battles against extinction
8:57that are happening in our world today
9:00will learn where the jeans are we learned what genes make them look
9:04an act the way they did will learn a lot more about how genes interact with the
9:08environment
9:09and will finally hopefully discover why some populations
9:14and some species are so much more susceptible to extinction
9:17than others are at the same time we will get better at extracting DNA from
9:22our ancient the ancient bones we will learn how to fix the broken bits so we
9:27can start piecing together these little tiny fragments into longer and longer
9:30fragments
9:32if that's what we want to do we will eventually be able to sequence the
9:36complete genome of an extinct animal
9:38and then we will have completed step 1: thank you

Speak Like Your Idols, Become What you Want

they're not worth listening to that's good information
1:0721 I do I told him something that would find
1:12me more trustworthy in his eyes I told him that you know what
1:16last year I had a seminar with mister Tony Blair
1:20and he told me the exact same thing your woman
1:23and you're given a seminar to me or with me I'm so glad the futures
1:28here and the preface and the professor look at me and he told me
1:39okay so you're somebody but the funny thing is
1:43I made him want to listen to me and that's what I'm talking about I'm
1:47a communication consultant I teach people the art wanting people to listen
1:51to you
1:52and the first man I wanna show you as Martin Luther King
1:55he's the one who people tell us that we should talk like you should go to your
2:00brothers and sisters and colleagues to tell them
2:03I have a dream there's nothing wrong with that way
2:06Martin Luther King spoke but I think you should find
2:10the Martin Luther King in your world so that's the first question
2:14I ask people who is martin luther king in your world
2:18and in my world my Martin Luther King was
2:22my elementary school teacher can wanna
2:25can allow she was smoking
2:28a pipe she had long blonde hair and she had caliber
2:33posh look and I remember the first week in school
2:37she told us there she is and that's me
2:42on the top I hated being the top I was tallest one in the class
2:46somebody asked me if I was a boy I think that's not fair
2:49anyways at the first week
2:52she gave us a great task she asked us
2:55what do you want to be what you want to do for a living
2:59when you grow up I was seven years old I had no idea what I wanted to do
3:04and my mother she's from Brazil she's very dynamic and passionate
3:08she told me lane you should go to the stubborn saying get inspiration
3:12I grew up in the suburbs and I went to the first magical place I knew at the
3:17time
3:18the candy store and I stood there for half an hour
3:23looking at the female working at the Campus Store she had the poster
3:27other precedent she was always eating the candy
3:31while she was working as you have this book and I was about seven years old I
3:35was looking at her thinking
3:36that's the best job in the whole world and I went back to school
3:42and I had my first presentation and Aston frontman
3:46in front my class telling all my classmates when I grow up
3:50I'm gonna work at the candy store
3:55Carolina she didn't look to you she was actually worried about me
3:59she was smoking her pipe in the back in the classroom and then she came to me
4:04stood at her knees shemale she said
4:08Elaine you're not gonna work at the candy store
4:11you're going to be an author I had no idea what that was at the time
4:18but my first bestselling book at Dominion techniques
4:22I actually dedicated it to my teacher Carol A
4:26can I wanna know something that all I should know
4:29something about personal leadership she was herself
4:34as opposed to the professional robot
4:37a lot of us are professional robots when we worked
4:41and I don't know if you met a professional robot you know when you go
4:45to
4:45as to where you want it by phone
4:49Amy salesperson ago hello you feel
4:52hi you don't want to meet a professional robot you wanna be a person
4:58so my Martin Luther King in my world is
5:01catalana she made me want to listen
5:04to what she had to say so in order to make other people want to listen to you
5:09think about who is martin luther king in your world doesn't have to be
5:12politicians
5:13actually I don't think politicians are good communicators
5:16at all just for the record
5:20so don't be a professional robot
5:23be yourself that's the best thing you can be but you have to think about what
5:27people think when they see you
5:29I keep my first step into communication
5:33the year 2001 that's when I started my first day
5:36to my bachelor degree and communication
5:40and I remember sitting at the University waiting for the first speaker
5:44they're worth about 200 students sitting listening
5:48well trying to listen this tall man
5:51when up States any started talking for 10 minutes
5:56and we can hear word he said why he had a scar
6:00across and that was only thing
6:04we could think about he'd refuse to tell us that he had a scar across your face
6:09he refused to tell us where he got it from and that was the
6:13we think we could think about after ten minutes he gave up
6:17and he told us I got this car
6:21in a car accident in the seventies my name is Bill
6:25you know what I never forgot his name
6:30third quarter to make people want to listen to you
6:33you have to put your looks in perspective you need to know what people
6:37think when they see you
6:38before you say anything just like it was when I met this professor in Berlin
6:44I remember when them I had a
6:49I had a seminar to Swedish television and
6:52once again they were wondering wear a sling
6:55racism and that we're waiting for this Elaine even sound like a man to you
6:59no not really have some people think ally or something
7:03him and they were waiting for a lane
7:06and I'm so happy about my granddad arnett my granddad he was born on the
7:1128th
7:12and he was kinda rough he always taught me if you want men
7:16to listen to you you need to know what the boxers
7:19you I was like what do you mean what the boxers do well you know the boxers
7:24they always jab jab with jab
7:27well jab it means that you need to hit a little I
7:30just a test the strength that the other person and that's what we
7:34we men do all the time we hear each other verbally
7:38and what you're supposed to do is to hit back I had no clue about this did you
7:44well probably all men did but with the women we didn't
7:47so I tried my first jab
7:51six years ago I had a seminar for Swedish television
7:54and I was about to have it and the bank was waiting for a lane and i was
8:00standing in front of him
8:01and he was like yearly and I said yes I'm away
8:04he say wow that's amazing asset well
8:08yeah it's pretty amazing and any tell me
8:12so when were you born in
8:15yesterday in that's a jab
8:18and what i do. and how about yourself
8:23polishing your coffin
8:28and history action was quite nice he was like who
8:33because then he fell okay she's strong enough to handle
8:36the percent is a Swedish television the only thing that happened that I wasn't
8:41prepared a
8:42was I got another jab or maybe a knock out when I started my seminar
8:46I was about to accept myself in front of all these people
8:50and this female rose her hand she said Elaine
8:54I don't really know why I should listen to you you're still
8:58young I don't feel motivated and I don't know about you guys but have you ever
9:04met people who speak further
9:06with their eyes closed and that taught me about body language
9:11and I didn't know what to do she thought I was too young
9:15and maybe she didn't think I was friendly now so I tried to smile maybe I
9:19became this professional robot to her
9:21so I tried to smile sigh just my letter
9:24but her ice for called and I heard myself say well you're perfectly right
9:30i'm not as old as you are
9:36she looks so angry and I didn't know how to find myself after that
9:40and the other people in the audience started laughing
9:43she didn't but afterwards she the clanking
9:47for too many said I really like your job you're giving knock out sometimes
9:52maybe you could be our rhetorical expert I said okay
9:55have you ever heard those nervous laugh
9:58people give them all the time is that rhetorical trick
10:03that I hear when I coached people had to make people listen to them
10:06I the main thing that any two races the nervous laugh
10:10when they tried to convince people that they're right and they say you know this
10:13is really important
10:14it's not a good thing
10:17I'll but in order to handle
10:21comments like these you too young your female
10:24your matter whatever unique you put yourself in perspective is a good or bad
10:30to look the way I look what is your scar
10:32when it comes to making people want to listen to what you say kiss
10:36people will hear word they will just look at you and they will think
10:40either your trustworthy or you're not and they'll make the decision you need
10:44to handle it
10:45so personal leadership one good word that you could
10:50remember is copia I don't really know how to pronounce it is lacked in
10:56but it means that if you want people to listen you should
10:59study though who are being listened to
11:03what are they doing do I speak to a debut
11:07or do I or Dona I I when I said
11:11and comment our politicians 310
11:14sometimes I sit with male experts
11:18and one thing I noticed that a lot of men
11:21take their time and television there's only one problem
11:25when you in the media there is no time but if you take your time you come
11:30across as more trustworthy
11:32as opposed to a lot of you my love us we we tend to
11:36we tend to speak really fast so
11:40what happened this guy get this expert get
11:44question from the journalist and he goes there's two ways
11:52we can look at this the first thing is he
11:56really took his time and I'm like she this it's not you can speak this slowly
12:00when you're in television
12:01so what did I do I started speaking
12:04really really fat asses sports commentator and what happened
12:08I became less trustworthy because if you speak too fast
12:13is like your excusing the message that you want to send people
12:17so don't speak fast this morning I was in television
12:21again and I try to do the opposite you know what happen
12:26journalist asked me a question I when
12:29and the mail
12:32expert next to me he started Obama
12:39get it right so we should do is study those
12:43who are being listened to but don't do it their way I'm not saying study Martin
12:50Luther King go to college to say I have a dream
12:53and study the way he speaks do it
12:57but do it your way and maybe sometime you can take their place
13:01it's not a bad thing and I think I did
13:05thank you